Yours Truly

"Fall seven times, stand up eight."

Baby, I think I'm finally beginning to understand you. <3

I know what's happening. I understand the helplessness that you're feeling inside of you. Maybe not in the exact sense that you're experiencing it, but I know. I can see it in your eyes when you look at me that you truly care. I can tell that being with me truly does make you happy. I think you're just scared, lost, and confused. When I first moved into our town, I felt the same way. I'd lost everything that I had once known. I had no stability. My parents were separated, my mom was a depressed alcoholic, I never saw my dad. And I got hurt. I wasn't with "him" for a year and half, I was with "him" for seven months, and his name was Jacob. It actually started in sixth grade. We "went out" for the last week of sixth grade and then broke up on the last day. Seventh grade came around, and he started being protective over me. Acting like my big brother, legitimately pretending he was, and keeping all the other guys from messing with me. Then, he asked me out again. On my sister's birthday (over spring break), we got in a fight. He had been flirting with this girl named Kaylee. It tore me to shreds and I broke up with him. We went back to school and he looked heartbroken, so I took him back. We were together until summer. We both volunteered at vacation bible school. I worked in a kindergarten classroom, he worked in the arts and crafts room. Little did I know, the whole week he was flirting with another girl, Alli. That Friday came around and I went to the mall and ran into my friend, Stephanie. She asked me if I was going to the movies with Jacob and his friends and I said no because I had no idea he was even making such plans. Then I swooned. She told me that he was insisting he wouldn't go if I didn't come. Later that day he started texting me from his friend's phone and I told him how cute I thought it was. His response, "yeah, well I think I'm getting feelings for someone else anyways." My heart shattered. He tried calling me, but I couldn't move. I just kept staring at my phone. Then he started texting "if you don't answer, then it's over." By the time I called, it was too late. He went to the movies that night and was dating that very girl by the next week. The whole next year I was completely heartbroken over him. I have been ever since, and he just keeps making it worse. That text that I showed you yesterday about him wanting to take me on a date, that's what he always does. He walks into my life and walks out. He gains my trust and then breaks me again, at least once a year. Baby, you finally gave me the strength to fend him off, to end that cycle for good. I want to help you, sweetheart. I hate seeing you like this. You're lost in this world of pain and drugs and a "what-the-hell-no-one-gives-a-shit-anyway" attitude. But guess what, I give a shit. I'm not going to ask you to stop, but I am here for moral support when you decide that you need to and are ready to stop. You deserve so much better than this, Maxx. You truly do, but only you can embrace that and win it for yourself. I wish so much that you would let me help, but I can't force this on you, and I don't want to, but I want to see you get better. I want to see you live the life that you deserve. I want to see you be happy. You don't have to live in this shadow of pain, you know. You can turn the entire thing around. I know with all my heart, soul, and mind that you can be so much more than this.

No matter the distance I travel, I always find my heart drawn right back to that beach that lives in the heart of everyone around. The beach that turned my pale skin to a cherry red so many summers in a row; the beach that caught my tears and gave my burdened heart the wings to soar; the beach whose reticent wind whispered the secrets of life to an ear that had heard nothing but strife. This beach is the place I call home. 

I spent many a night laying out on the crude sand, gazing up at stars while the crash of the waves consumed my every thought. It was among one of these nights I found my meditations turning specifically to one topic of adoration. The way he walked said he carried the burdens of a hundred on his shoulders. His eyes danced with sorrow, while stealing your breath at the same time. The way he distanced himself told soul-shattering tales of pain. He had come here seeking the rejuvenating energy that emanated off the water and floated through the air to help him in his darkest of times just like he had many times before. However, this time he found something more. 

We sat on the beach for hours on end revealing the inner workings of our minds to each other underneath the moonlit sky. Everything in our heads screamed that this was abrupt and a tad bit irrational, but it felt legitimate. There was something more to the feelings I was experiencing. Only time could tell me what that was. 

We spent the rest of the summer this way - getting to know each other better, falling faster and hopelessly in love. We playfully splashed in the ocean and built sandcastles that towered over all the others. Sometimes we even buried each other in the sand. At night, we cuddled by a huge fire that scorched the sky with it's dancing flames. I started to realize that the only place I ever wanted to be was by his side, at our beach. That summer I learned what true love was, and was too stubborn to ever give it up. 

It's several years later now, and we are still standing strong. We still visit our beach every year for our anniversary. It's truly other-wordly there and helps us keep our heads on straight. When we have an argument, I go there to be alone. . .but he always finds me. He always comes back. We always come back. It is our home away from home.

He'd rather spend hours at home cuddling than having sex.

He's 100% Italian and a little bit of trouble.

He plays the guitar and writes love songs almost every day.

He's so much more, but most importantly,